Every so often, a conversation stops me in my tracks. Recently, while walking with a friend, we drifted onto the topic of neurodiversity; the challenges, the beauty, the complexity.
At one point she paused, looked at me, and said:
“Henri, what’s the crib sheet for a young person who struggles with social interaction?”
I knew exactly what she meant.
The longing for a clear formula.
The hope that there might be a step-by-step guide.
The wish that supporting could be as simple as searching, “What do I do next?”
If only it were that straightforward.
Her question reminded me of a phrase I heard in a recent training on neurodiversity and disordered eating (and yes, there is a link):
“Meet the person where they are.”
It’s a deceptively simple idea, but one that has reshaped how I think about young people and especially those who are neurodivergent.
The Messages Young People Receive
So many neurodivergent individuals grow up with a feeling that they “don’t fit”. Sometimes this message is subtle: a raised eyebrow, a comparison to classmates, a quiet expectation that they should keep up, calm down, sit still, fit in.
Sometimes it’s loud and clear:
School systems built around conformity
Rigid rules about uniform, behaviour, and pace
Curriculums that reward one type of brain and penalise others
And it doesn’t end with school.
There are the extracurricular expectations too, sports, instruments, clubs, all of which can be joyful but can also become another arena where a child learns they’re “supposed to” perform.
For a young person who struggles in these environments, their self-esteem can take hit after hit.
Not because they are incapable, but because the world often measures them by the wrong yardstick.
So What Is the Crib Sheet?
If I had to offer one, it would be this:
Meet the child where they are.
Not where we hoped they’d be.
Not where the curriculum expects them to be.
Not where other children their age might be.
Where they actually are: in this moment, with their nervous system, their strengths, their challenges, their pace.
When we shift from “How do I fix this?” to “How do I understand this?”
Something changes.
Shame softens.
Connection strengthens.
And children begin to feel seen – often for the first time in a long time!
The Power of Difference
Neurodivergent young people bring extraordinary perspectives, creativity, insight, and problem-solving abilities. When we make room for those differences, rather than trying to sand them away, we often discover the very qualities that will help shape the future.
So no, there isn’t a universal crib sheet.
But there is a starting point that never fails:
Meet the child where they are.
Lead with compassion.
And let their uniqueness be something to celebrate, not correct.